(cue cricket sounds)
Shhhh . . . You hear that? That’s the sound of silence. That’s the sound of me not praying. For two whole weeks.
On the 7th I wrote that I woke up with the very clear understanding that God was ready for me to make changes. I had been expecting this. I’d been feeling God moving in my life and prepping me for change for the past six months or so. I’d even wanted it. Thus, I was not surprise when I woke up and had the sense that today was the day to begin, in earnest, to discern what changes God had planned for me and start to move on them. It was then that I sat down and prayed, “Lord, help me.”
And then I ran. Not in any figurative sense (we’ve had a lot of rain recently and I haven’t gotten much opportunity to actually go for a run.) But in the spiritual sense I was doing my best sprinter imitation; I was running fast. Away from God. Away from prayer. Away from change.
So much for that prayer life that I’ve been working on. I have prayed very little since I wrote that post.
So much for all that big talk about being ready for the changes that God has in store for me. I have been deliberately walking in the opposite direction in the areas where I know God wants me to change.
Funny, that. I imagine that happens a lot. People pray for something new to happen and then when they realize that God is beginning to enact change they head for the hills, effectively saying “thanks, but no thanks” to the God who is good and merciful enough to be involved in our lives, wanting to lead us to the places where we can experience His grace. Luckily, God is a patient God and is willing to wait for us to get our act together and jump on board.
So here I am, two weeks later, praying the same prayer again: “Lord, help me.” Only this time I’m going to begin to do the things I need to do to meet God halfway. I’m going to begin to practice discipline with the hope and confidence that in practicing discipline I may one day realize that I AM disciplined. I’m going to pray.
To start things off I’m committing to writing a daily blog post. Generally, at least on the good days, I blog right after I’ve finished my prayer time, so daily blogging will be my witness that I have prayed. It will keep me accountable.
It will also be an opportunity to record the effects of this new prayer discipline, the changes that come from beginning to walk in a very intentional and conscious way with God. Granted, change can be slow and some posts may be very short, possibly even boring. But that’s all part of the process and, perhaps, we will eventually be able to trace the momentous life back to the most mundane of days, seeing God’s handiwork along the way.
We’ll see how that goes. See ya tomorrow.